sometimes,
you wonder was it all in folly,
when you decide to love someone.
not only as a lover, but in all sense of the word
for once surrendered, the heart only becomes a source of pain.
your expectations, they become naught,
your wants, nothing
its hard to give and expect nothing in return.

Jesus how did you do it?

its hard to watch and pray, and hope everything turns out well
if you are just not the one to do anything for them.
incapacity is painful.
pain is relative, pain is overwhelming.
pain is also subtle, pain it creeps in slowly, when all seems well.
Then something goes amiss, and gently, surely everything begins to collapse.

so many things seem to dull,
and i become self-consumed.
it is myopic to watch the world from within
one's shell, and see nothing but your own struggles
and not the joy, the beauty, not being able to live.

but theres certainty through all this,
you need God now more than ever.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13
how difficult it is to love.