Of Relationships, Loneliness and Melancholy

Excerpts from a letter :)

Things in Australia are fun. It can get quite lonely at night though, after I finish all my household chores. Work is enjoyable, my colleague has boobs the size of your head and there is so much to learn and explore in the hospital. The guy I'm attached to, Steve, is extremely knowledgeable and he's been pumping me with alot on drugs and medical conditions. Sadly he speaks very fast and I don't catch most of what he's saying; damn also the Auzzie accent. :)

Regarding love, let's establish something first: friendship is the basis of all relationships, be it kinship, romantic loves and friendships themselves. They form the foundation for a deep relationship. In this sense, I guess distinguishing between a deep friendship and the other relationships is quite irrelevant. What is complicated is in relationships regarding the opposite gender is that if you spend excessive time with the other party, then the relationship is usually exists as a complex function of all the three aspects that you mentioned: genuine feelings, infatuation and deep friendship.

Although you may discredit infatuation, I beg to differ. I see it as quintessential to maintaining physical intimacy with the other party, and what's wrong with a little lust anyhow? :) But your right, the context matters much and the right to intimate physical union should only be exercized in a marriage. It's good that you constantly restrain yourself, because infatuation helps deepen a relationship, especially in the physical nodes.

By genuine feelings, I believe you mean not expecting any reciprocation in terms of returning what you have done for her, or is it non-sexual thoughts? If its the former then what you are idealizing is not a relationship but a fantasy because expectations are an essential part of a relationship. God expects us to become more like Him doesn't He? :) If its the latter, then you just confirmed that your a guy HAHA. I guess having 'genuine feelings' is more of an ideal and the question is not about having and maintaining 'genuine feelings' but rather how do you deal with your imperfect nature: by seeking God and not spending excessive time with her. :)

Regarding loneliness and melancholy, it is true that we are emotional people and we retreat whenever we feel threatened. Many a times, our emotions cloud our judgment and our perspective on things and this reaffirms the notion that we need to base our judgments on the truth which is God's word, hence the importance of spending time with God. :) I'm quite obsessed with this understanding - of what I shared with in cell regarding the greatest commandment - and I would like to share it with the rest of the church someday if given the opportunity. :)

One thing about loneliness and melancholy is it helps us consolidate our values and realign our perspectives. It's only when we feel this way that we see a need to withdraw, when something isn't right yea? I see loneliness and melancholy as an essential part of life because it helps me understand the will of God in the quiet of my heart. However, I have yet to quieten my soul and focus on Him throughout this trip. Pray for me on this alright? :)

Your right about expecting an intense encounter, it has brought to mind a very important lesson that God has taught me previously. We are emotional people, and emotions play an important role in our growth and learning. Indeed, I feel damn empty until I feel I have learnt something, emphasis is to be added on the feel part. However, the lesson I learnt is not to be misguided by these emotions and not to seek the emotional experience but rather the giver of these emotions - God. In Revelations, more specifically the letters to the churches, each letter follows a certain format:

1. A portrayal of Jesus with regard to the circumstances of the church i.e. how they should see Jesus in light of their circumstances

2. A commendation - with the exception of the church of Sardis (arguably) and Laodicea

3. A condemnation - a sin that they have committed

4. An exhortation - how they should respond

The church that spoke to me the most as I was preparing the lesson was Sardis. The lesson learnt was my understanding of the portrayal of Jesus: Him who holds the seven spirit of God (the Holy Spirit) and the seven stars (the angels, or the pastors of the church). What God revealed to me was the sevenfold spirit represented the spiritual experience, and the seven stars represented scriptural understanding, both of which are essential to spiritual growth. However, God is the one who controlled all these, and releases it in turn when He wishes to. Our job is simply just to position ourselves to receive from Him and to seek Him instead of all these.