Tapitoo: i feel sad

i feel sad. i feel like crying. crying over my pathetic miserable existence, an unworthy piece of junk which should be put out of living; something which should be torn up and shared with others, instead i harbour 4 myself. fucker. what a fucker. why do i say all this? tell me. i hate my life. i hate the way i gave into temptation. i lived and still am living in lust. throughout the entire course of the year, i have grown selfish. i hate selfish people. i feel sad because i really lost myself. i really hate it the way i lie so easily, i really hate the pretences. i really hate all that i have been doing. i want 2 change, i really want 2 change and 2 be made new. alot of things i have been doing which i feel as a christian i shouldnt. impure and destructive thoughts r one. i have allowed these 2 take root in my mind and 2 pervade my life. im sorry 4 all the bad things i have done or said or anything. im sorry, im sorry, im sorry. im sorry 4 being a hypocrite. im sorry 4 living a double standard life. im sorry god 4 giving into lust. im sorry 4 giving into temptation. but no matter how much i apologize, the scars will still remain. death. death, death, death. death 2 d fucker here. die 2 live. live 2 die. i need the blood of jesus back in my life. i need 2 be filled with the spirit again. i need prayer.