Tapitoo: himself

its been quite long since i have blogged like this. hahah. been spending alot of time writing poetry these few days, some r posted, most not. partly this week has been a really literature focused week and i have been indulging myself too much into literature. we had this parody peformance today and it was quite successful. QUITE, hahah. though we didnt win anything, it was really a funny show we put on - cheers to Position 63. this parody was really stressful being the group leader. i guess i spent the most time amongst my group mates on this entire venture. the most stressful was actually dealing with the technicalities and the cast itself. people are most unpredictable. today was the worst. we lost Dr. Raju Jai R. Fuglass' mask and had to come up with an entirely new way of conveying the theme to the audience (Dr. Raju Jai R. Fuglass is the main character). however, today im really thankful. during the entire course of the preparations, i was praying, something i had not done very frequently 4 d past week. as i prayed, i suddenly had an idea, a very very spontaneous and wild idea: remove the masks and act with our natural faces instead. sheesh though this drastic change did not entitle any rehearsal, we still managed to put on a very very entertaining show. during the entire duration of the show, there were many forgotten lines, additional scenes, etc etc. all unrehearsed and all happening to me. hahah. however, god gave me wisdom to improvise the lines which i missed, to be able to tickle the audience with the unrehearsed telephone call and pull off my parts with improvised, impromptu acting. hahah. it was quite a success in all. all thanks 2 god =) for he is great. today was quite a breakthrough. through this, i have also realized the reasons why i have been feeling so spiritually dry and so wasted. the thoughts that ran through my head when i wrote most of my poems were mostly negative thoughts, sensitive thoughts, vindictive thoughts, corrupted thoughts etc etc. thoughts that made me a victim of everything even when i wasnt really one. what a pathetic waste of a mind, dwelling in self-pity and remorse when one should step up. thoughts that focus on oneself always, i repeat, always take your mind off god. the focus of life should be nothing of the self, but more of the selfless, the others, and the lord. perhaps the entire 2 weeks of which i have been though really drove home a point: useless are we who lack christ.