inadequacy, please seek solace
i have to learn to come to terms with my emotions. and with my blog somewhat devoid of all life after this long interim, i shall attempt to post more detailed posts after seeing the abstract nature of most of my previous writings, and at the same time try to vocalise most of the thoughts that i have never written about.
i have just read flowers for algernon, and it is a well crafted piece of work, truely the writer manages to capture the naivete and the innocence of a retarded person, his own introspection and his changing perspective of the world as he undergoes an exponential increase in his intelligence quota due to a surgery. beautiful writing. he really captivated me with his simplistic use of language and the book was really engaging.
but towards the end as his mental capabilities started to wane, i suddenly noticed this stark parallel with him and myself. the protagonist, Charles Gordon, the retarded guy, had the same attitude i had! it was quite depressing and yet interesting at the same time to read about the mentality and the motivation this person had to become smarter.
i have never seen myself as a clever person, and i thank god for this attitude at the same time, because i am a testament of the inadequacy of the human ability. i have always tried to put in effort and to force myself to work harder, but most of the time it just seems so futile and the results never do show. i like waterpolo, and though i know i have no talent for this sport, i still enjoy seeing how all the strenuous trainings bearing at least some fruits. i like learning, i like to better myself. but most of the time, i fail. and though i dont like the feeling, in fact, i hate to fail, but failure still lets me know i am human :) that i am nowhere near good and we are all just trying.
most of the time we expect results, and we forget about the process, and its something that im learning, to expect nothing and to work as though everything depends on it. god is good.
i had this thought last night. i shall type it out. "the beauty of love is this: when you feel that you cannot be loved anymore, or when you feel as though nobody could love you anymore, someone does."
and i thank god :)
i have just read flowers for algernon, and it is a well crafted piece of work, truely the writer manages to capture the naivete and the innocence of a retarded person, his own introspection and his changing perspective of the world as he undergoes an exponential increase in his intelligence quota due to a surgery. beautiful writing. he really captivated me with his simplistic use of language and the book was really engaging.
but towards the end as his mental capabilities started to wane, i suddenly noticed this stark parallel with him and myself. the protagonist, Charles Gordon, the retarded guy, had the same attitude i had! it was quite depressing and yet interesting at the same time to read about the mentality and the motivation this person had to become smarter.
i have never seen myself as a clever person, and i thank god for this attitude at the same time, because i am a testament of the inadequacy of the human ability. i have always tried to put in effort and to force myself to work harder, but most of the time it just seems so futile and the results never do show. i like waterpolo, and though i know i have no talent for this sport, i still enjoy seeing how all the strenuous trainings bearing at least some fruits. i like learning, i like to better myself. but most of the time, i fail. and though i dont like the feeling, in fact, i hate to fail, but failure still lets me know i am human :) that i am nowhere near good and we are all just trying.
most of the time we expect results, and we forget about the process, and its something that im learning, to expect nothing and to work as though everything depends on it. god is good.
i had this thought last night. i shall type it out. "the beauty of love is this: when you feel that you cannot be loved anymore, or when you feel as though nobody could love you anymore, someone does."
and i thank god :)
