change

the thing about growing up is that it entails change. change is subtle, change is direct, change is a new way of looking at something old.

that is change.

im changing and it scares me. im becoming a different person entirely. i have essentially isolated myself from everyone emotionally and spiritually and i have gotten used to this isolation. it is now a part of me to be alone, people occasionally by my side, but never besides. i am used to it now. i am changing. i am somewhat changed.

i cry as i think about this.

God is distant.
Man is distant.
I feel no connection with anyone whatsoever.
People come, people go.
There is only work to be done.
More work.
More work.
More work.
More work.
More work.
More work.
and More work.
my world is small.
it just seems as though
there is only work and i.

life is just so dead now.
so dead...

Accountability frees us to grow and change and is an important part of every relationship.
Accountability -- giving someone who loves you the permission to "reel you in" when they see you headed in a dangerous direction.
When we willingly make ourselves accountable to others, we are creating a hedge of protection that ultimately yields boundaries, parameters or behavioral lines that should not be crossed.
Honestly, most of us have experienced very little accountability in life because at the heart of being accountable to someone is the willingness to be submissive to them. We have abused the concept of submission. It was never intended to be demeaning and does not involve slavery in any form. Submission is protection and an intentional willingness to consider first the desires and wishes of another before our own.

God places others in our lives to see things that we cannot see, to encourage and build up, to correct, love and protect, but still, we tend to view accountability as a crutch and submission as a weakness. Submission is harnessed strength, a controlled strength that is born out of obedience to God's command. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21)
Jesus submitted Himself to the will of His father. He willingly laid down His desires and dreams, His plans and hopes in total submission. Out of that total surrender came the most powerful life ever lived. When we willingly submit ourselves to God and choose to make ourselves accountable to others, we will experience a freedom and power we have never known before.


God did not create us to live alone. We were created to need each other -- for many reasons -- one of the most important being accountability. It is much easier to make the wrong choices and to take the wrong turns when no one is watching. I often wonder how many marriages have failed, how many friendships have been destroyed, or how many lives have been wasted because there was no accountability.

The Clockwork Man

He, the clockwork man,
of metal and spring,
was nothing more,
and nothing less;
with silver and tin,
in flora-esque design,
jutting out,
of his hollow left breast.
It was a key,
a large silver key.
[and with it, wound the springs]
that turned with them
the clicking and clacking
of machinery,
that moved the clockwork man.

Magnum Opus - the glory of creation -
was he, the clockwork man;
for he was the world,
and the world was one with him.
His metal skeletal frame
stood proud and tall,
bearing his head high above all
his dominance.
Clothed in flesh,
and supported by the toughest sinew,
he gazed upon the world
through his fine glass eyes;
glazing, reflective,
captured the world in his soul.

And he stood proudly,
firm and strong;
weathering the elements,
unbacked,
unmoved by the thought of
pain and suffering
(for he was by essense flesh,
and so felt the same sensations
as any man would.)
And he was hardened towards
all sensation, a numbness
one beheld in his glass eye.

But he was the world,
and the world was one with him.
O, what a small world
then was he.
And whilst beholding the dearth
of many a people,
with his hand grasped firmly,
the essence of his clockwork life
- his large silver key,
his right wrist flicked several times,
and he walked away into the world.