Malaysian Montage

it was a waste of mi life.......it was a pure waste leh.......pathetic trip........it was all lyk nothin........dey promised us big things.......cohort picnic......strawberries......nice time.....but turned out 2 be lyk peanuts.........1st dae.....spent d time on d bus learnin bridge......fun game leh......rainin lyk shit.........den still got forest walk......cohort picnic......n summore no wet weather programme........n coz of dis.......lots of ppl fell sick.......fever etc......lyk wat d hell leh.......2nd dae.......4rom KL we wen 2 Cameron......nice place........wen 2 tea plantations.......we didnt learn much overall......but i feel tt our grp has gotten realli close.......tts good...... (: .......wen back 2 our hotels.......rested........den wen back 2 d same restaurant 4 dinner........dinner was nicer........dan lunch......wen back 2 hotel........we stayed up........real late.......oh it was Champions League......hehe.........dam jian.......235.....we watched onli until half-time.......Liverpool was losin.....so wen 2 slp.......sum of mi classmates got locked out.........so dey bunked wif mi.......imagine 5 ppl sharin a bed......freaky......3rd dae......rose n vege farms.......den wen 2 visit fireflies.......nice but didnt realli spend much time dere........4th dae.......Putra Jaya.......weird place........new capital of Malaysia???......n wen home.........i think d onli thing i learnt was how 2 plae Bridge......but it was mainly class bonding........

life sux......i hate it

i hate life........n 2dae was d shittiest n most f*cked up dae of mi life.........i hate 2dae........it so ez 2 work hard at tryin 2 change........4 2 months i stopped saein F***........n within 2 minutes........i broked it 5 times........d whole dae i was goin F***........man i cant take it ne more......i hv no motivation 2 continue......i hv no more determination......change is futile.....mi freakin habit is killin mi.......n everi 1 is goin......oh its natural now....dun worri abt it....yea gre8t......jus gre8t........jus wat i needed........jus kill mi now okay??? im so pissed off wif life......i got back all mi results........i got lyk 20++/30 4 almost all mi subjects......oh yah.....except math.......freak i was so careless......i jus passed by 1 mark.......but i didnt fail.........n now mi parents r f*ckin mi upside down.......jus coz of tt miserable subject........more bans......gre8t.......y cant u stop focusin on d shit......n look at d toilet bowl instead.......i was so pissed.......i punched mi METAL bottle until it was all dented.......had 2 lie 2 mi mom.......abt it......n d shitty trainin........swim 2km 4 warmup......plae match wif sec 3s n RJC......im lyk freakin tired now.......now deres no 1 askin mi how i am.....on msn.......wat kind of frenz r u.......i tot u would care.......oh no

i lay them all down

YES.......wat do u feel........wen after hiding sumthin 4 a long time........n u jus let it out..........take it off ur back.......D FEELING ROX........all d shame........i jus lay it down.........all d pain.......i jus lay it down.......at d foot of d cross........on Saturdae nite.......i told mi bro Max abt mi prob.......we didnt finish our convo.......n so we met up b4 service on Sundae........n as he spoke 2 mi........it jus felt so good........he was so reassuring........n wen he prayed 4 mi.........i jus could not control miself ne more........i jus cried lyk a baby.....thanks Max.......i realli needed tt........i wen 2 wash up.......n it was time 4 worship......n u noe.......tawkin abt worship.......we sang At the Foot of the Cross......n Heart of Worship........n Ps Ronald saed sumthin abt layin ur shame n pain down.........n we ended wif d song.......laying down my shame...........it was so coincidental........d focus of d worship was abt laying down ur shame 2o.......n d songs realli touched mi.......i jus couldnt stop cryin........Thank U LORD..........i was abt 2 gif up on miself.........n God came around n gave mi hope.........Thank you Lord

i lay them all down

am i realli sincere???

freak man.......wats wif mi.........haiz.......y do i feel so unsincere........its lyk all i do durin church is jus 4 show.........lyk shit if im jus doin tt jus 4 show........wat am i tawkin abt changin if mi attitude is still as shitty as ever.......do u ever do sumthin jus 4 ppl 2 c???........i feel lyk im doin it all d time......i feel lyk mi life is jus a show.......its a darn show........its a show 4 others 2 enjoy......ppl call mi a poser......lyk wat d heck.......conformity 2 d world.......tell mi.......is wearing ankle socks n stylin hair conformity........i jus dun understan........but mi life is still a show.........lyk its still so dam FAKE........man.......wat am i supposed 2 do......i wan 2 change........but it seems so.......so........IMPOSSIBLE........how do i change dis attitude???........tt everi thing mus be done 4 others 2 c.........worship.......1 example..........i raise mi hands.........but i dun feel ne thing at all........i jus keep thinkin abt wat should i do now etc.............FREAK..........dis is lyk so dam embarrassing.......but i cant keep it 2 miself ne more.......i need 2 do sumthin abt miself.........PLS HELP MI GOD