this is turning bad

its been two months since i last posted. my blog has become an advertising board. what is with this degree shit. life is turning bad n i feel like im slowly rotting away. everything revolves around school, nothing but school. im taking up or being forced to take up responsibilities everywhere. rising up 2 d challenge is stressful. i see a parallel in my maid attempted suicide. reminds me of what happened last time. bitch tried to cut her hand for show. screwing up our reputation, lives for what? just so she can go back to Philipines. somehow it seems so stupid to see her going to hospital, whatnots just for a ten minute show of obstinance. its pathetic to envision myself stupidly trying to cut myself. idiotic behaviour. perhaps it was all for show too. life is bullshit. my christian walk isnt so good either. im growing cold. today when i heard the news about d suicide stinct. it just came as per normal. no shock. none at all. thats very bad. god knows where my heart is now. just a coagulation of cold hard steel pumping dust through a body of ice. this is turning bad