4 speaks: life, the choice.

4 finds that 4 is unable to maintain friendships.
4 needs solitude.
4 enjoys the solitude.
again 4 chooses the solitude.

4 finds also that 4 has emotions.
but 4's emotions are suppressible.
4 can choose to stop feeling happy, sad, and more; maybe not anger yet.
but the choice is 4's.

why does life have 2 be a choice?
why is there is no yellow brick road?
why are there forks?
why must 4 choose?

why must 4 choose solitude?
does 4's friends hurt when he doesnt talk?

why must 4 choose suppression?
does 4's friends suppress their emotions as well?
is it because of 4 that they do?

why must 4 choose happiness?
does 4 not choosing emotions hurt anybody?
is it because of 4 that so many people are becoming more like him?
has 4 actually been an unknowing influence?

is it by choice that 4 always writes like this?

Tapitoo: 4 is 4

4 is 4.
a number 4.
nothing more than 4.
no name, no loves, no likes; just 4.

names, loves and likes are only allocated to those with a soul. 4 is but a number. there is none. =)

finally 4 has unravelled why the silence has come upon him. why it will not leave. and why 4 has no affiliation to Mr. Lee Tat Wai David. it is a structured way of thinking, a mentality; a perspective. isnt that great? =)

everything is logical. nothing exists without a reason. and 4 repeats again, everything is logical. nothing exists without a reason.

and if everything is logical, all our actions, behaviours, emotions are only responses to a logical reason with pertinence to a specific event, and like all responses, they can be suppressed. love can be suppressed. acceptance, needs, wants can be suppressed.

our life is logical, structured. whatever that defies structure, or randomness; can be called an anomaly. these random acts only arise from a specific area which 4 lacks, the soul. 4 does not perceive that anomalies are bad, just that they cause disarray in the structure.

god is everlasting. 4 does not deny that, but yet existance the master of all logic is still unexplainable. till then 4 just has to accept that to be the truth.

such a fallible relationship, the irony of it all.

Tapitoo: bullets bite into flesh very nicely

Delicious is the blood which flows abounding,
from which the departed takes his last swagger.
lead is another ingenious invention mixed with red,
silver and tint, but mostly tint.
its a beautiful game,
when life is played to its last breath.
the soul is no more lingering in its heathen capsule,
the swelling of a purgatory, but a boon to the body.
there be no more suffering for one in hell,
and to that we toast the happy ever after ending.

a blessing that one cannot feel no pain,
life always accentuates pain.
feel the pain,
it is nice, no?
but when one loses the very basis of this sensation,
one does feel a need to pain.
to pain becomes a grand occasion, really.
something that one can actually look to crave for.
to break is another.
bullets bite into flesh very nicely, wouldn't you agree?
a small metal canister rotating several thousand rotations per minute.
spinning, spinning and never diverging.
the hungry devils are never satisfied with just flesh,
slowly as they finish their dinner in hundreds of a second,
upon the wall they begin to feast.
till at last their inhibitions curbed,
and their hunger pangs lay fulfilled in insignificant niche made in history.

pain is something delicious, like the sound of a bullet driving into flesh
with the blood slowly seeping from dark red crevase in your chest.
one knows it has penetrated ones lung, as gasping always follows the rushing fluid.
there is a sudden surge of shock,
as the body slowly realizes that it has a tunnel through its abdominal region.
the shell strains to recover,
strains and struggles.
yes, the sensation is back.
to know how to live,
to feel pain.
oh yes, the pain!

Records the forensic team, "a slow and painful death by suicide as the fingerprints on the gun are his and his alone. judging from the tense facial muscles in their current position, he died trying to smile. the single bullet fired was clearly placed and fired at such an angle so as to penetrate both the lungs and the liver at the same time. the bullet caused a massive haemorrage as it entered the liver and released contaminated blood into and out of the body. the victim died slowly of asphyxiation as the lungs slowly shut down sector by sector. but as to why the unusual way of firing off a bullett horizontally in the lower torso, is quite unexplanable. It is as though he was trying to prolong the experience of death. To feel pain."