pray God, i know not why i'm sad.
where this cloud that hangs over me
i know not.
not why, not how.

not anything anymore,
not myself, not my words.
it tears me apart now,
it its immaculate way:
and i feel no pain,
no hurt, nothing.
just sadness.
and everything is repressed.

its not God,
its me.
who is this me now?
for there are just so many within.

it is winter and the nights are colder,
i pray someone, anyone, please
spare some thought for the matchstick girl.
her clothings are worn,
old, tattered and torn,
her shoes, she has none,
and barefooted she tiptoes
on the frozen cornerstones.
Please, dear sir, buy some matchsticks from me.
Please. Some matchsticks for your fire.

Please, someone? Anyone?
Please spare some thought for the matchstick girl.

sometimes,
you wonder was it all in folly,
when you decide to love someone.
not only as a lover, but in all sense of the word
for once surrendered, the heart only becomes a source of pain.
your expectations, they become naught,
your wants, nothing
its hard to give and expect nothing in return.

Jesus how did you do it?

its hard to watch and pray, and hope everything turns out well
if you are just not the one to do anything for them.
incapacity is painful.
pain is relative, pain is overwhelming.
pain is also subtle, pain it creeps in slowly, when all seems well.
Then something goes amiss, and gently, surely everything begins to collapse.

so many things seem to dull,
and i become self-consumed.
it is myopic to watch the world from within
one's shell, and see nothing but your own struggles
and not the joy, the beauty, not being able to live.

but theres certainty through all this,
you need God now more than ever.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13
how difficult it is to love.

O God, i'm falling once again.
the world snapped open, and has
swallowed me whole.
Forgive me God, for I have brought this
upon myself.
Now trapped in this prison, a
darkness pervades, and my
only hope is you.
Please save me Lord, for I am weak
and weary, I have no strength
but yours.
I cry out for you, there is no other
that can rescue me.
Come to my rescue, O Lord, this
crushing defeat I can take no longer.
I am in desperate need of Grace,
I desire to be in your presence.
Let me be yours once again.